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Sticks and Stones Anti Bully Campaign

Sticks and Stones
March 2016

The Child Rescue Foundation has decided to address the issue of bullying in our schools, in our workplaces, at home, and in society form March through August..right before school starts.

Each Month we will have a section addressing the following highlights:

Aware– raising the awareness of the damaging, sometimes lifelong effects that bullying has

Raising the awareness of the effects that bullying has on our children in school, i.e. suicide rates for our children as early as elementary school not only nationwide, but escalating in Colorado

Care– why should we care? Check out this video from a child being photographed while being bullied..and it is one of hundreds up online…quite horrifying..

Http://Via.kdvr.com/OxlxE Bullying article video Colorado

Share– stories from others who have been bullied and what is done to their lives

Prepare

Lastly, how do we Prepare to help pothers, after we understand the warning signs, know that we can make a difference, and we are keen to provide links and numbers so you can help another, or help your child/a co worker/ a friend escape a bully.

Please know we will also highlight how to help a bully. Why bullies “bully”, and where there is help for them.

SticksandStonesMarch2016

November 

Getting Out? Why Don’t you just Leave?

Domestic violence is cyclical, occurring in three repeating phases. In the tension building phase, the abuser’s behavior starts escalating. For example, he may become moody or overly critical, swear, yell and make threats. Knowing what comes next, the victim becomes hypervigilant and tries to keep peace at all costs. She believes that is she keeps things in order, under control, she can avoid another crisis. But she can never be perfect in the eyes of her abuser, she cannot defuse the situation.

For stalking victims, the Stalking Model looks much the same.

In the second phase and the shortest phase is the explosion, an emotionally traumatic episode including physical abuse. The victim may fight back during this phase.

The third phase, calm, is what keeps the victim stuck in the relationship. The partner will apologize profusely, promising never to do this again. Gifts ensue, peace begins. She tells herself that she is not really crazy, and makes every excuse in the book for his behavior.

With stalking victims, the victim goes in and out a type of insanity, preferring to live in denial rather than reality. The propensity for lethality increases greatly. Increased awareness of your surroundings and your safety are called on NOW more than ever. Denial with a stalker and this predator behavior kills.

What you can do

Contact a victims advocate, domestic violence unit and contact the police NOW. Find a stalking expert in your area. They can make the difference just by asking the right questions, documenting their findings, assisting you in your own ability to document evidence, and offering appropriate referral and assistance.

Making a Safety Plan

You can make a workable safety plan to protect yourself and your children. These are suggested safety guidelines. Please contact a professional to assist you in customizing your plan.

1. Know and identify your partner’s levels of violence so you can assess possible danger and use proactive measures for your own safety.

Remove all weapons from your home.

Talk to neighbors- make sure that they know the truth about your domestic violence or stalking situation.

Teach children if possible to call 911.

Notify your workplace. Domestic violence and stalking may begin outside the work area, but increasing statistics are showing that the violent individual is appearing at work with increasing frequency and committing homicide.

During an assault

Leave IMMEDIATELY if possible. Stay out of confined areas (such as the bathroom) and places where weapons are available like the workshop, kitchen and garage.

Get to a phone. Carry a cell phone.

If you leave by car, lock the doors immediately and don’t unlock them till you get to your destination. If you are being followed, head for a police station or any area with SCTV, like a 7-11 where an imminent assault can be taped. Do not get out- honk your horn till you get help.

Six Items you will need to make an escape:

1 Money- hidden away from the home. Enough for motel, food, gas and phone calls. Have coins available for phone booths.

2. Keys. Make 2 extra sets for home and car. Hide one set; give one to a trusted friend.

3. Extra clothing. Pack a bag suitable for the season for yourself and children.

4. Important documents. Have copies:

5. Restraining orders

6. journals

7. social security (yours, his and the children’s)

8. protective orders

9. insurance policies

10. driver’s license

11. divorce and child custody papers

12. pay stubs, bank statements

13. marriage license

14. ownership papers for mutual property

15. medical prescriptions

16. and monthly bills.

17. Passport and immigration papers if applicable.

Important phone numbers. Local police, victim’s advocates hot lines, and trusted friend and social services counselor. Stalking Rescue has provided an easy referral list for victims.

Other personal items. Jewelry, prescriptions, eyeglasses and your children’s favorite toys.

Each step you take is a win, no matter how small. You are accountable for your own safety and survival. This may be the scariest time of your life, and once you realize that you have made a decision for yourself and your children to leave a violent situation, your strength and self-esteem will begin to grow.

Free Legal Services Clinics are held in Denver Colorado through the Denver College of Law, Domestic Violence Civil Justice Project. Please call 303-871-6140. Contact you nearest college of law in your are for information about services like these.

October

Another school shooting today..very sad..

CRF will be highlighting a different topic each month pertaining to our children’, safety, their health and well being, and tips and tools in getting help in times of trouble. Go to www.cr- foundation.org for the October highlight which will be addressing the issue of School violence.For the full article go to…http://www.cdc.gov/… The bad news? The first school shooting reported is 1764..from 1991-1999…..82 children have died in our schools with many more severely injured..
2000’s…89 deaths
2010 till present..135 deaths in schools
So why research this? Because it is escalating and there are things we can do and support, from tougher gun restrictions to metal detectors in ALL schools.We at CRF pride ourselves in taking a stand for peace in our schools..There are great tools and tips for getting help for yourself or for a friend. It’s never …https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

August….http://www.jimhopper.com/abstats/

The National Epidemic of Child Abuse..did you know most cases of abuse of children go unreported?

Child Abuse Statistics
spacerIntroduction – Unavoidable Controversies & Biases, in Historical Contexts

• Sources of Statistics – Official Numbers, Actual Numbers, & Estimates
• Statistics Are Human Creations – Tools to Avoid Being Confused & Misled
• Official Statistics: United States
• Official Statistics: Canada
• Official Statistics: England
• Official Statistics: International – Includes 2006 United Nations Report
• Retrospective Survey Research Methods – Tools for Critical Understanding
• Prevalance of the Sexual Abuse of Boys

 

Child Abuse Effects and Resources for Healing
spacerEffects of Child Abuse – Basic Information & Frameworks

• About Therapy & Recovery – Resources to Inform Your Search
• Resources for Spouses, Partners, Friends, etc. – Suggestions & Resources
• Resources for Parents & Caregivers – Books, Videos & Web Resources
• Additional Resources – Hotlines, Book & Article Suggestions, Web Sites
  
• Frequently Asked Questions – Pointers to Helpful Resources

• Related Pages At This Site

 

JULY

Are you raising a predator?

Consider the following letter:

Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children:

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe that the world owes him everything. (Narcissism)

2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. It will encourage him to pick up “cuter” phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait till he is 21 and let him figure it out.

4. Avoid using the wrong “word”. It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe, later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and that he is “persecuted.”

5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around. Do everything for him so he will be experienced at throwing all responsibility to others.

6. Let him read any printed material he can. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. This goes for throwing objects, screaming, threatening, hitting, punching or anything else violent in nature. In this way, he will not be too shocked when his home is broken up later.

8. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn a thing.

9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take his part against neighbors, other parents, teachers, principals and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize by saying “ I never could do anything with him”.

12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it.

13. Never be there. Always buy presents as a substitute for your company.

After Columbine, many “experts” were questioning the 16 hour, dual

Parent workdays, in support of the child’s habits/needs like a bigger SUV,

a larger snowboard with logo or a jet ski like his friends.

14. Set boundaries. Let him break them. Have no natural, imposed

consistent consequence. Set more boundaries. Let him continue to break them. Ask yourself, how’s it working out?

15. After trying to be the child’s buddy, can you prepare to be the child’s parent.

Children are looking for one thing. “The list.” They want to know every day what they can get away with. This is a difficult, trying and sometimes enormous task that each of us a parents has to undertake. And yet failure to set consistent boundaries, rules and consequences sets up the stage for this young life to become a bully and a predator.

Today may be the turning point where you as a parent decides that dealing with an explosive, angry, often in trouble child or youth is wearing you out.

There are support groups for dealing with troubled children. Take a long look at your own life and the role model you provide daily for this child.

Are you encouraging a bully, or creating a productive human being? Children are often resilient, and as they are looking towards us as their role models, our decision to stand up for their highest good may make the difference between a criminal or a contributing member of society?

Ask yourself, am I laughing at the letter above or do I need to make some consistent, hard choices for my child?

Help

Tough Love International offers support for parents looking for help in raising tough love children. See your local chapter in the Phone Book.

Internet Link Sites for Help and Other Info:

APA

MSNBC.com:Dateline NBC

Explosive Kids 8/99

Curbing Violence Against Women 8/99

Doctors Study Why Some Children Kill

Predicting Juvenile Violence- Quiz

Child Violence The Warning Signs

Books

Boys Will be Boys Breaking the Link Between Masculinity and Violence

By Myriam Miedzian

Nurturing Good Children Now by Ron Taffel

Before It’s Too Late by Stanton Samenow

Articles/Papers

Generational Perpetuation of Violence: Joanne Kappel

JUNE

Walking Kids Through Aftermath of Domestic Violence

WEDNESDAY, Oct. 20 (HealthDayNews) — A technique called emotion coaching can help parents help children surmount the effects of family violence, says a University of Washington study.

It found that when mothers in families where there is domestic violence use emotion coaching, their children are less aggressive, withdrawn and depressed. The role of fathers as emotion coaches was less clear. The study included 130 families. Forty-eight of the families reported low levels of domestic violence — pushing, shoving or grabbing a spouse or partner — during the previous year.

None of the families reported more severe forms of domestic violence, such as punching, kicking, biting, threatening, or use of a weapon.

“We know children experience high levels of stress when exposed to domestic violence. So this sets up a perfect place to intervene and help children. If we can develop an intervention for battered women and give them tools to coach their children it could help youngsters to be less depressed, less anxious and less withdrawn,” study author Lynn Fansilber Katz, a research associate professor of psychology, said in a prepared statement.

To be successful emotion coaches, parents need to be aware of their own feelings and their children’s emotions, Katz said. Parental emotion coaching can:

• Help children recognize their own emotions.
• Provide children with the words to express their feelings and to discuss their emotions with other people.
• Help children learn how to calm themselves when they’re upset.
• Guide children in problem-solving so they can develop their own answers.

The intimacy of parental emotion coaching can also help create a strong parent-child relationship that makes children feel comfortable about discussing their fears and worries with their parents.

The study will appear in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Family Psychology.

More information

The American Bar Association has more about the impact of domestic violence on children.

Impact of Domestic Violence on Children For children, the impact of witnessing domestic violence can be devastating. Children may witness acts of domestic violence by being present in the room during the incident of abuse, by hearing the violence from another room, or by seeing their mother’s bruises, black eyes, or broken limbs. Some children are traumatized and need intensive therapeutic interventions after witnessing the abuse, while others may require only removal from the situation and support. Clearly, the impact of living in homes where domestic violence is present is detrimental to the emotional, developmental and physical well-being of those children. Studies reflect that at least 3.3 million children are exposed to domestic violence each year. Children may be caught in harm’s way and inadvertently injured during a violent episode. One study found that males 15 years of age and older often attempt to intervene in the violence perpetrated against their mothers. The children may lie terrified in their beds as the violence rages outside their bedroom doors or cower within the safety of a closet or other hiding place. In the worst case scenario, children may suffer serious injury or be killed in the batterer’s continuing endeavor to completely control his victim. Many children exhibit signs of post traumatic stress disorder after witnessing domestic violence. Symptoms may include inability to sleep throughout the night, bedwetting, anger acted out through temper tantrums or directed inward and manifested by withdrawal or disassociation. As children grow older, they may experience feelings of guilt for not protecting their mothers and may turn to drugs or alcohol to numb these feelings. School-aged children tend to have poor academic performance, are absent frequently and may either have behavioral problems or withdraw and disassociate. Studies have shown that living with domestic violence increases children’s risk of encountering the juvenile justice system. One Massachusetts study found that children who grew up in violent homes had a six times higher likelihood of attempting suicide, a twenty-four percent greater chance of committing sexual assault crimes, a seventy-four percent increased incidence of committing crimes against a person, and a fifty percent increased chance of abusing alcohol or drugs. Children who grow up in homes where domestic violence occurs are also more likely to abuse others or become victims of abuse as adolescents or adults. At a very early age, male children who have witnessed their fathers’ abusive behavior may begin behaving similarly toward their mothers and female siblings. By age five or six, some children are disrespectful of the victim for her perceived weakness and begin identifying with the batterer. Female children learn early on that their mothers are subjugated through the abusiveness of their partners. Unfortunately, those perceptions are normalized and children actually begin to believe that their experiences are no different from the experiences of their friends or class-mates. Children of domestic violence victims suffer in more direct ways as well. Studies have found, for example, that men who batter their partners are likely to also abuse their children. For help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Contact information:
ABA Commission on Domestic Violence
740 15th Street, NW, 9th Floor
Washington, DC, 20005-1022

February 2015

February highlight which will be addressing the issue of stalking, domestic violence and threat assessment (how much troube am I in?) and our new assessment tool. contact us today if you need a copy or can help another…. There are great tools and tips for getting help for yourself or for a friend. It’s never too late to get support. Check out the Yellow Ribbon Project.

January 2015

The Child Rescue Foundation is a grassroots organization dedicated to establishing outreach and referral programs that provide a holistic approach to recovery for youth that have been impacted by violence. Individuals, who have made the long journey from victim to survivor, themselves, power this organization.

In order for children to come forward and seek help with their family issues, it its important that they feel a support network of committed individuals that will work with them one-on-one for their road to recovery. Cultural change is a monumentous effort, we need to support the necessary changes; 1) It begins with all of us working together, 2) We need to start earlier in educating our youth, 3) We must help mothers create a safe environment for themselves and their families, 4) Continue enforcing the law, 4) We need to raise awareness of existing resources create more services, 5) We need to create a CULTURE of non- violence.

The following manual was put together by the Board of Directors at the Child Rescue Foundation, Inc. We saw a need, mostly from personal experiences, watching our own children witness family violence and experiencing love turn into physical and /or verbal terror, and seeing the confusion when they have no one to turn to for help, or information/support to empower them. Initially, the goal of the foundation is to deliver a book, and a soft bear, to middle schools, elementary schools and high schools as a means for opening dialogue between children and adults who have questions about violence and relationships.

We implore the judges, the Guardian et Lietiems, the prosecutors and attorneys, the victims advocates, to take a second look and each and every case they review, and ask the hard questions about domestic violence in that family. Remember, it is the child who is often the forgotten victim, the small voice that no one hears, and often the one that is impacted for life.

 

For the full article and a copy of the Children’s workbook,,,”Domestic Violence is Not Okay”..contact us at www.cr-foundation.org..

 

December 2014 Walking Kids Through Aftermath of Domestic Violence

WEDNESDAY, Oct. 20 (HealthDayNews) — A technique called emotion coaching can help parents help children surmount the effects of family violence, says a University of Washington study.

It found that when mothers in families where there is domestic violence use emotion coaching, their children are less aggressive, withdrawn and depressed. The role of fathers as emotion coaches was less clear. The study included 130 families. Forty-eight of the families reported low levels of domestic violence — pushing, shoving or grabbing a spouse or partner — during the previous year.

None of the families reported more severe forms of domestic violence, such as punching, kicking, biting, threatening, or use of a weapon.

“We know children experience high levels of stress when exposed to domestic violence. So this sets up a perfect place to intervene and help children. If we can develop an intervention for battered women and give them tools to coach their children it could help youngsters to be less depressed, less anxious and less withdrawn,” study author Lynn Fansilber Katz, a research associate professor of psychology, said in a prepared statement.

To be successful emotion coaches, parents need to be aware of their own feelings and their children’s emotions, Katz said. Parental emotion coaching can:

• Help children recognize their own emotions.
• Provide children with the words to express their feelings and to discuss their emotions with other people.
• Help children learn how to calm themselves when they’re upset.
• Guide children in problem-solving so they can develop their own answers.

The intimacy of parental emotion coaching can also help create a strong parent-child relationship that makes children feel comfortable about discussing their fears and worries with their parents.

The study will appear in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Family Psychology.

More information

The American Bar Association has more about the impact of domestic violence on children.

Impact of Domestic Violence on Children For children, the impact of witnessing domestic violence can be devastating. Children may witness acts of domestic violence by being present in the room during the incident of abuse, by hearing the violence from another room, or by seeing their mother’s bruises, black eyes, or broken limbs. Some children are traumatized and need intensive therapeutic interventions after witnessing the abuse, while others may require only removal from the situation and support. Clearly, the impact of living in homes where domestic violence is present is detrimental to the emotional, developmental and physical well-being of those children. Studies reflect that at least 3.3 million children are exposed to domestic violence each year. Children may be caught in harm’s way and inadvertently injured during a violent episode. One study found that males 15 years of age and older often attempt to intervene in the violence perpetrated against their mothers. The children may lie terrified in their beds as the violence rages outside their bedroom doors or cower within the safety of a closet or other hiding place. In the worst case scenario, children may suffer serious injury or be killed in the batterer’s continuing endeavor to completely control his victim. Many children exhibit signs of post traumatic stress disorder after witnessing domestic violence. Symptoms may include inability to sleep throughout the night, bedwetting, anger acted out through temper tantrums or directed inward and manifested by withdrawal or disassociation. As children grow older, they may experience feelings of guilt for not protecting their mothers and may turn to drugs or alcohol to numb these feelings. School-aged children tend to have poor academic performance, are absent frequently and may either have behavioral problems or withdraw and disassociate. Studies have shown that living with domestic violence increases children’s risk of encountering the juvenile justice system. One Massachusetts study found that children who grew up in violent homes had a six times higher likelihood of attempting suicide, a twenty-four percent greater chance of committing sexual assault crimes, a seventy-four percent increased incidence of committing crimes against a person, and a fifty percent increased chance of abusing alcohol or drugs. Children who grow up in homes where domestic violence occurs are also more likely to abuse others or become victims of abuse as adolescents or adults. At a very early age, male children who have witnessed their fathers’ abusive behavior may begin behaving similarly toward their mothers and female siblings. By age five or six, some children are disrespectful of the victim for her perceived weakness and begin identifying with the batterer. Female children learn early on that their mothers are subjugated through the abusiveness of their partners. Unfortunately, those perceptions are normalized and children actually begin to believe that their experiences are no different from the experiences of their friends or class-mates. Children of domestic violence victims suffer in more direct ways as well. Studies have found, for example, that men who batter their partners are likely to also abuse their children. For help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Contact information:
ABA Commission on Domestic Violence
740 15th Street, NW, 9th Floor
Washington, DC, 20005-1022

November Newsletter

In the wake of yet another school shooting, we thought is prudent to share this with everyone. The cost of bullying and violence in our schools should alarm all of us…Proactive NOT Bury….

http://www.nassp.org/Content.aspx?topic=The_Financial_Costs_of_Bullying_Violence_and_Vandalism_Web_only_

The Financial Costs of Bullying, Violence, and Vandalism

 October 2014

Excerpts from the CRF DV Workbook for Victims and Family Impacted by Domestic Violence

You can order a full 396 page workbook on line at www.cr-foundation.org

Managing your case

Covered in this section is:

1.Frustration discussed from the Victims advocate, Court, Police and the Victims

2. Article from a Court Observer on Victims in the Courts

3. Being in Charge of Your Life/Being a Credible Witness

4.Managing Your Case

5.Managing Your Evidence

6.Status Reports

7.What you need to bring to Court and What you Need to know about the system

8.Making a Victim Impact Statement

9.Following Through if you Apply for Victims Compensation

10. Set Backs and Disappointments

10. Sample Court Forms

No one is more motivated than the victim to recover.

Part of the process in stepping in to the legal system is being prepared and having the knowledge necessary to navigate the stem with confidence and ease.

In this portion of the workbook, we will attempt to alleviate the fears, provide insight from individuals who work with victims on their frustrations, management techniques on being a credible witness and an empowered former victim, and tools for Case management.

You have personal responsibility, when you have set the wheels of justice in motion, to carry through with the entire process regarding prosecution or safety.

Think your case is unique? Read on:

The following article comes from Project SafeGuard (Winter 2001), titled “A Volunteer’s Perspective”

Everybody’s done it. Raising a finger to your lips asking for just one moment of silence. Holding your hand up, cutting someone off in mid-sentence. A quick roll of the eyes or a heavy sigh in a moment of frustration. The difference between everybody and you is, in all of these brief moment’s, you are the victims last line of defense. That victim, who missed three hours of work to come to Denver central or to Arapahoe County to share a courtroom with her abuser. That victim who relies on the system and those in it to guide her and do the right thing on her behalf. She is lost, but she is also hopeful.

She believes that of she adheres to the rules and does what is expected of her, the city will fight and prosecute her abuser and she will have at least a moment’s peace.

That is why, when I sit in a courtroom, my observations and notes are weighted by and reflect not only the outcome, but the process….because while the victim waits. Assuming she has the courage to take the necessary steps to get her this far, she is subject to those seemingly insignificant gestures we all experience .Perhaps, as a victim she is no longer as sensitive to those shrugs and wave offs as I am . She is here for something far more important; an outcome that validates her fears and substantiates her claims.

As one illustration of the above, I recently sat next to a woman waiting for the case against her ex-boyfriend to be called. While we waited, several others defendants charged with domestic violence made the trip to the podium. In one instance, the defendant had bee arrested three times in less than a month, with at least 2 charges in each case. The proposed disposition was to place the defendant on parole, suspend jail, and drop seven of the nine charges. That outcome is what the victim sees, and what cause her to ultimately ask herself if what she is doing is worth the hassle, and if it is worth making what maybe a difficult trip for her. The woman next to me asked me if coming to Court warranted the eventual outcome. What could I say? “It[s a step in the right direction.”

In another incident, a victim rushed into the Courtroom 20 minutes late, looking confused and nervous. She clearly had no idea of what to do. She finally turned to me and after telling me why she was there, I directed her to the City Attorney. When she approached him, he waived her off. She immediately sat down, shrugged her shoulders, and proceeded to wait. When her case was called, the city attorney said he was passing the case because the witness failed to appear. When she stood up and told the judge she was, indeed, present, the city attorney’s response was a heavy sigh and slapping his case folder on the desk. Did the victim notice? I doubt it, but I did.

This behavior isn’t necessarily chronic and it isn’t necessarily unjustified-to us. These women, though, are often here as a last resort. Many have pressed charges before but, fearful of being completely alone, or without other means of financial support, failed to follow through on these prior arrests. It is only after they become desperate and afraid that they take what they consider to be drastic steps of pursuing legal action.

The victim has to have faith that, when she finally steps into the courtroom, the people who are supposed to, are indeed rooting for her and doing everything within their means to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. I am thankful for the victim’s faith because sometimes, sitting in a courtroom, I leave with a little less of myself. A quick reassurance or eye contact by someone in apposition of power can do a great deal to alleviate the victim’s fear. By and large, that behavior is what I witness. I would just like to know I will always see it, with every attorney and judge, and that I can continue to tell the victim that what she is doing truly is a step in the right direction. (Valeri Jarstad)

And the last article from project safeguard is titled “Imagine….”

I recently sat in Aurora Municipal Court for a trial involving domestic violence when the lights went out. This particular courtroom had no windows, so you can imagine how dark the courtroom became. I could not see my hand in front of my face. It took a minute or so for the generator to put on the backup lights, but that minute or so seemed much longer. As I sat there in total darkness, concerns for my own safety raced through my mind. I relaxed then that similar thoughts must go through the minds of domestic violence victims everyday as they sit in the courtroom. For a DV victim, sitting in any courtroom with the perpetrator present is like sitting is like sitting in total darkness. Keeping the “lights on” for the DV victim is important. The following is checklist that should be considered is assessing the safety of your courtroom:

• Is a security guard always present in the courtroom?

• When no security guard is present, is the judge or clerk always present and able to maintain safety ?Is there a victim advocate available?

• Is the victim left sitting for long periods of time alone with the defendant?

• Is the seating in the courtroom arranged so that the victim does not have to sit close to the defendant?

• When the proceedings are completed for the day, is the defendant asked to remain behind in the courtroom allowing the victim to exit and maintain safety?

• Is it possible to have a separate and secure are as a waiting room for the victim?

• Are the microphones turned up so that parties for restraining orders do not have to raise their voices to be heard?

• Are the defendants prevented from passing notes to their victims?

• Are defendants prevented from making hand signals to their victims?

As you can see, there is a lot care and effort for your safety and well-being both inside the court, before court and after court.

The Victims Advocates and the Police speak:

Frustration seems to occur on both sides of the field. The victim’s advocates, the police and the Court’s become frustrated for a variety of reasons. Some are highlighted below:

“ Victims sometimes do not show up in Court, they don’t stay in touch.”

“ The Court Process in clearly not a priority in the lives of the victim.”

“The victim doesn’t want to prosecute because they can’t see a positive outcome.”

“The victims call the police when there is immediate crisis, and then, after, when all is blown over, they don’t see the relevance in the rest of the process.”

“ A constant frustration I have (from a victim’s advocate) is that a victim will/may change their mind about what they want to see happen with a case a dozen times between the time the case is filed and final disposition. One day they may not want the case to be prosecuted (loves him, feels sorry for him, wants him to be a father to the kids), the next day they want the death penalty. This makes a challenge for the folks in the system who try and figure out an appropriate plea offer that will be satisfying to the victim. We often end up dealing with an angry, venting frustrated victim.”

“Failure to show up in Court (victim.)

Can the victim please give the correct addresses?

The Court speaks:

“Prosecutors sometimes get caught in the “Why did they call the police mode?”, if the victim fails to follow through.”

“ Why do victims start to prosecute, and the decide halfway through they don’t want to “punish” the person?” ( The victim sees the incident as diminished, or they have rationalized whatever the incident was, or the abuser feels some remorse, and that the arrest has changed them forever.)

The Victims speak:

“ I am frustrated and angry with the criminal justice system because the cases move too slow and by the time it gets to court, the person who abused me forgot what they did.”

“He learned nothing.”

“I can’t stop my entire life for this!”

“ If I go through with this (prosecuting) he will get out and be more angry and come and kill me.”

Being in Charge of your Life

 

How to be a credible Witness

 

Technique #1 Learn how to breath

Practice today on breathing slowly, and taking deep breathes before making statements or acting.

Part of your job in being a credible witness is to be prepared and knowledgeable. Many vicimts of repeated crimes learn to speak in whispers, staccato or sreaming tantrums to be heard. As of today, this will no longer be necessary. Breathe. In and out.

Technique #2 Carry your workbook and updated journal with you- this is called documnetary evidenxce

The Journal

The journal is used as the first tool in moving forward, for the victim to see the “truth”, and provide a catharsis in their lives. It will provide three things:

1. Provide evidence The journal will help the police to visualize all offenses.

2. Provide a hard look at the truth. In refusing to see the truth, you enable the victim status to stay alive, once again giving away your power to the offender. Each time you are tempted to say, “It’s not that bad,” or “It only happens every once in a while,” go back and review journal.

3. It can be read at sentencing in Court as part of the Victim Impact Statement. (Use a highlighter for the most meaningful account of what you have been through.)

Effective journaling begins with a process for entering the data.

Provide the following information, consistently outlined, as follows:

Who- who was present?

What-what actually happened (omit emotion, detail just the facts)

When- the date

Where- time, place of incident

Why- brief outline of event (it was a custodial pick up day, anniversary,)

How you felt- this is where you can briefly go into how you felt. It is important to not trivialize your emotion. If you were scared to death, say so. Again, keep this brief and to the point.

Add photographs where necessary or references to taped telephone conversations or video taped evidence.

Journal

Who:____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When:___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Where:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Why:_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

How I felt:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Action Taken:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Credibility begins with truthful, consistent reporting of the facts of your case. A journal can also be used as a victim impact statement in court, before sentencing of an offender. Keep a copy of your journal off site, with a friend or relative, a copy with you at all times.

Technique #3- carry a disposable camera and a tape recorder with you- it also will provide necessary evidence for Court

Technique#4- Ask questions, take notes. It is up to you to work within system guidelines, and in managing your case, keep track of business cards from officers who take reports, case numbers and incident report numbers. Listen to the advice of the professionals who are working with you. Yes, you are angry, but these individuals have nothing to do with your anger, and are there to assist and help you through the system.

Technique #5- obtain legal papers necessary for your safety i.e. A restraining order where necessary. Project SafeGuard holds daily clinics in the CourtHouse in Denver Colorado for anyone seeking a TRO

September 2014

Author: Joanne Kappel, Executive Director, CRF,Inc.

The Generational Perpetuation of Violence or Why does the batterer batter and the victim stay?

The Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics report that in January, there had been a dramatic reduction in the number of men who were murdered by7 intimate female partners over the last 24 years. They go on to report that they attribute this decrease because of the INCREASE in services for victims of domestic violence. While this is good news to all of us, we need to remain focused on the fact that consistent, supportive community outreach for children and families of domestic violence is still needed for complete and total recovery. Both victim and offender require ongoing supportive programs for reevaluating their behavior and re acquiring the necessary life skills to cope peacefully in this world

More ironic, in a recent article by Dr. Murray Strauss, “Beating the Devil Out of Them,” he writes that he was …”denounced by most of his feminist colleagues because he concluded that corporal punishment may be one of the causes of wife beating.”

For your thoughts, we have included the following article, author anonymous, but this was sponsored by the Massachusetts Office for Victim Assistance, page 26 of the training manual…

..”To see how both men and women become acclimated to violence as a right of the powerful we need look no further than the punishment of the young children. If corporal (bodily) punishment, hitting or spanking, is used as the ultimate form of child discipline, the child learns that it is appropriate for the larger, more powerful person to hit the smaller, less powerful, “bad” person. A male child observing this behavior may learn that when he is bigger and more powerful, it will be his prerogative, (if not his duty) to hit weaker, less powerful people especially when they displease him. A female child, conversely, may learn that it is appropriate for the weaker, less powerful person to be corporal disciplined by the physically superior person. When we remember that abusers are experts at convincing their victims that they (the victim) have behaved badly, we can understand how the abused woman feels, she “deserves” to be beaten. We can also understand why she becomes ashamed to admit that her “badness” earned her such painful “discipline.” A society which condones violence as a proper means of discipline allows very little credibility for teaching there is absolutely no valid reason to hit anyone at any time. Until society believes that physical violence in any form in intolerable abusers will find rational for abuse.” In conclusion…” How can we condone one person bigger or stronger than the other hitting or beating them with a belt to change or alter their behavior? I think if we are to properly understand violence against women we must, as a society, must understand that violence against anyone regardless of age or gender is wrong.”

All the statistics coming out from sources dealing with crime and victims would indicate that we are making tremendous stride and progress. In the adult world, we are making efforts to work with offenders and victims in their recovery. Ask yourself, in the ideal world, if you live daily with the practice of non-violence as your motto?

The next time your child misbehaves, the driver in front of you cuts you off, your boss takes out all their crabbiness on you, you can use the rules our children live by in school, beginning in kindergarten:

1. Close your eyes.

2. Count to ten.

3. Walk away.

4. Cool down.

5. Think.

6. Talk it out.

7. Brainstorm.

8. Change.

9. When we alter our response to situations involving conflict, we then take responsibility for the outcome and our participation in the event.

You, and only you, are responsible for actions and reactions. Looking towards finding a more peaceful life? E Mail us to Use the model below to evaluate your life currently on how you either react of cause anger in your life.

And while you are it, pass this in to your children!

(Thanks to the Conflict Center, who have many wonderful programs on Conflict Management- call them at 303-433-4983 for further information on their programs.)

 Aug 2014

Going through a divorce is scary enough….compound that with domestic violence and stalking, and leaving increases the rate of violence by 90%. Hire an attorney who is a professional at dealing with these specific issues, and settle for nothing less than someone who gets this issue!! Get more information in our Workbook for victims on our website…Be smart, stay safe, and be knowledgeable !!!!!!!Use this quick guide in getting started……http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/marriage-sex/getting-divorced?src=soc_fcbks

Divorce On Line help and Checklist

Henry S. Gombein has developed a checklist in response to numerous readers inquiries. This is a basic checklist of issues that should be considered and discussed with your attorney. This is intended to be general and broad in scope, and food for thought. Some items may not apply to everyone due to state law variations,, whether or not you have children, etc.

Exercise

Bring this with you as a checklist/guideline of topics to cover prior to divorce/think carefully and extensively about what you need and want before you sign anything.:

Divorce Checklist

• Custodial arrangements for the children
• Visitation/parenting time
• Child support
• Medical, dental, hospital, pharmaceutical and psychological expenses for the children
• COBRA or medical insurance for a former spouse for up to 3 years from the entry of the divorce judgment
• Income tax exemptions, regarding the children-who will claim them
• Alimony/spousal support and where it will be collected
• Division of real estate, transfers and deeds
• Making sure that all investments are covered included limited partnerships, stocks bonds and savings
• The handling of current and past debts
• Pensions, IRAS, 401K transfers, Qualified Domestic Relations Orders
• Personal property including furniture, furnishings, art and collectibles
• Motor vehicles, including trailers and boats
• Income taxes whether there can be joint filings and liabilities for taxes owed
• Bankruptcy issues /social security and protection in case one spouse declares bankruptcy
• Clauses to hold the other spouse harmless and indemnification in case someone fails to live up to his/her obligations
• How to handle the discovery of hidden assets
• Spouse abuse and restraining orders
• Restoration of prior maiden name
• Social security card
• Life insurance policies for children
• Attorneys fee/mediators fees and other expert fees
• College education for children and/or spouse
• Provisions to revisit the child support issues
• Clauses for summer camp, religious activities or training and or special situations involving children

Remember, this is just the beggining. If you need addition help or information for a more complete guide to navigating divorce after domestic violence, send an e mail to us at childrescue97984@aol.com. Violence often escalates when leaving…there are tools and tips for staying safe!!!

July 2014

Raising the Awareness of how our Actions affect children through art..

 

HeArt Auction Information

Mission Statement:

The heart through a child’s eyes art auction’s purpose is to provide a creative avenue to enlighten the community and encourage all to see the world of a child through a child’s eyes.

The purpose of our annual Heart Auction™ is to let children express themselves through art and gain knowledge that their messages of hope will help another child in crisis.

Each child entering their work has drawn a picture using 1 of the 4 themes: “What does my family look like,’ “What does my world look like,’ “What do I want the world to look like” and “What does hope look like?”

We encourage teachers, educators, parents and caregivers to sit with your children and ask them these simple questions..let them draw..and see from a  child’s eyes what their world really looks like…

The HeArt Festival Days, with drawing, free gifts, music and more will be:July 5th 2014

 Artistic Response to Children

Children have a difficult time expressing themselves in words, but they can tell their story by picking up a paintbrush.

1)Art builds self-esteem. Children can build confidence and a feeling of achievement through art.

2)Art helps reduce stress levels.

~ Studies have shown that suppressing strong feelings can lead to a buildup of stress~ The Buildup of stress can intensify pain.

~Art can help people access their unconscious mind and release pent-up emotions” – whole health md page 3.

3)“It helps people express hidden emotions, reduces stress, fear and anxiety, and provides a sense of freedom. Art therapists also believe the act of creating influences brain wave patterns and the chemicals released by the brain.” #5 pg1

4)“Art can distract children from their world and give them an escape outlet to forget about their painful lives.” #5 kind of- 1

 5)“ children can often express difficult emotions or relay information about traumatic times in their lives more easily through drawing than in conventional therapy” #5 page 2

Break the Cycle | Empowering Youth to End Dating Violence

www.breakthecycle.org/‎

What Can I Do?

Dating Violence Statistics

Dating Abuse Statistics

From the CDC…Unhealthy relationships can start early and last a lifetime. Dating violence often starts with teasing and name calling. These behaviors are often thought to be a “normal” part of a relationship. But these behaviors can set the stage for more serious violence like physical assault and rape.

What is dating violence?

Teen dating violence  [PDF 187KB] is defined as the physical, sexual, or psychological/emotional violence within a dating relationship, as well as stalking. It can occur in person or electronically and may occur between a current or former dating partner. You may have heard several different words used to describe teen dating violence. Here are just a few:

• Relationship Abuse
• Intimate Partner Violence
• Relationship Violence
• Dating Abuse
• Domestic Abuse
• Domestic Violence

Adolescents and adults are often unaware that teens experience dating violence. In a nationwide survey, 9.4 percent of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior to the survey. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011 Youth Risk Behavior Survey). About 1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 7 men who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey).

What are the consequences of dating violence?

As teens develop emotionally, they are heavily influenced by their relationship experiences. Healthy relationship behaviors can have a positive effect on a teen’s emotional development. Unhealthy, abusive or violent relationships can cause short term and long term negative effects, or consequences to the developing teen. Victims of teen dating violence are more likely to do poorly in school, and report binge drinking, suicide attempts, and physical fighting. Victims may also carry the patterns of violence into future relationships.

Why Does Dating Violence Happen?

Communicating with your partner, managing uncomfortable emotions like anger and jealousy, and treating others with respect are a few ways to keep relationships healthy and non-violent. Teens receive messages about how to behave in relationships from peers, adults in their lives, and the media. All too often these examples suggest violence in a relationship is okay. Violence is never acceptable. But there are reasons why it happens.

Violence is related to certain risk factors. Risks of having unhealthy relationships increase for teens who:

• Believe it’s okay to use threats or violence to get their way or to express frustration or anger.
• Use alcohol or drugs.
• Can’t manage anger or frustration.
• Hang out with violent peers.
• Have multiple sexual partners.
• Have a friend involved in dating violence.
• Are depressed or anxious.
• Have learning difficulties and other problems at school.
• Don’t have parental supervision and support.
• Witness violence at home or in the community.
• Have a history of aggressive behavior or bullying.

Dating violence can be prevented when teens, families, organizations, and communities work together to implement effective prevention strategies.

The following resources provide more information on teen dating violence.

Publications

• Understanding Teen Dating Violence Fact Sheet  [PDF 187KB]
• Physical Dating Violence Among High School Students—United States, 2003

Additional CDC Resources:

• CDC TV presents Break the Silence: Stop the Violence
  In “Break The Silence: Stop the Violence,” parents talk with teens about developing healthy, respectful relationships before they start dating.
• Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention
  This 60-minute, interactive training is designed to help educators, youth-serving organizations, and others working with teens understand the risk factors and warning signs associated with teen dating violence.
• Dating Matters: Strategies to Promote Health Teen Relationships
  CDC’s new teen dating violence prevention initiative seeks to reduce dating violence and increase healthy relationships in high-risk urban communities through comprehensive, multisectoral prevention.
• Division of Adolescent and School Health
  Promotes the health and well-being of children and adolescents to enable them to become healthy and productive adults.
• Preventing Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence: Program Activities Guide
  The Preventing Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence: Program Activities Guide describes CDC’s public health activities and research related to intimate partner and sexual violence.

Additional Federal Resources:

• Department of Justice’s Violence Against Women Office
• FindYouthInfo.gov
• Office on Women’s Health
• One Department: Overview of HHS Activities on Violence Against Women
• Office for Victims of Crime

Hotlines:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
• National Sexual Assault Hotline
• National Sexual Assault Online Hotline

Resource Centers:

• National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women
• The National Sexual Violence Resource Center
• Prevention Connection

March 2014

Suicide Prevention Month

I personally have dealt with  close family members and suicide and I can tell you that there are warning signs and there is help. Being at the end of hope is a scary place to be, but contacting and reaching out to the organizations listed below will help you to get a hand up….these are hard times…sometimes there is much to be sad about..but there are people who love and care about you and can help you get to the other end. Reach out….Safe to Tell is a great place for students to reach out so they dn’t have to feel they are revealing a secret that have been asked to keep. The worst thing to do is to keep silent.

SAFE2TELL 877-542-SAFE Student Confidential Web Tip Information System
Safe2Tell is an anonymous way to report anything that threatens your safety or the safety of others. In Colorado Safe2Tell reporting parties are anonymous under the State Law. Please remember that details are critical to an effect intervention.Please note that this is not an emergency reporting system. DIAL 911 FOR EMERGENCY SITUATIONS!

Supporting

.
If you are concerned for yourself or a loved one, CALL
#
800-273-TALK (8255)

DOUGLAS COUNTY, Colo. — A Douglas County teen committed suicide Tuesday night, the fourth teen to do so in 11 days in the county.

School officials and experts are explaining what they are seeing, and what parents can do to help prevent suicides.

In fact Douglas County School District sent a letter home to parents of students about the topic. Read it here.

Coroner Lora Thomas says there is no connection between the cases, except that each is heartbreaking.

She’s reviewed hundreds of such cases in her law enforcement career and says almost always there are underlying mental health issues.

People like Dale Emmy with the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention program says parents should talk to their kids of they see a sudden, dramatic change in typical behavior or if the teen is talking about suicide or death.

He says parents cannot be afraid to bring up the subject no matter how unpleasant and difficult it is to do.

Resources for teens struggling with suicidal thoughts

• Colorado’s Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program
• Signs your friend may be having suicidal thoughts
• CDC division of suicide prevention

October 2013- we at CRF provide tools and manuals to victims, friends of victims, employers dealing with a victim of abuse, clergy and more. Contact us to find out more about keeping yourself, your children and your loved ones safe.Domestic violence is a serious problem around the world. It violates the fundamental human rights of women and often results in serious injury or death.

World Health Organization

DV STATS Colorado Alternative Horizons Statistics

1. In 2012, we helped 761 clients with 5,063 services/CRF provided 871

2. In 2011, we helped 876 clients with 4,746 services/CRF provided 15,000 children with goods and services

ColoradoStatistics

• In a single day in 2011, 1,317 victims of domestic violence were served by community-based programs in Colorado. Of that number, 622 found refuge in emergency shelters or transitional housing where they received a wide variety of services to help them maintain their safety and begin to make plans for their future. 695 adults and children received non-residential assistance and services, including individual counseling, legal advocacy, and children’s support groups. Source: Domestic Violence Counts: The National Census of Domestic Violence Services, Executive Summary for Colorado. http://nnedv.org/docs/Census/DVCounts2011/DVCounts11_StateSummary_CO.pdf
• On that one day in 2011, there were 235 requests for domestic violence services that were unable to be met by Colorado service providers. Many programs reported a critical shortage of funds and staff to assist victims in need of services such as transportation, childcare, language translation, mental health and substance abuse counseling, and legal representation. Source: Domestic Violence Counts: The National Census of Domestic Violence Services, see above.
• Throughout 2011, Colorado’s 46 domestic violence crisis centers responded to 61,335 crisis phone calls and served a total of 34,685 clients with residential, non-residential, or transitional housing services. Source: Colorado Department of Human Services, Domestic Violence Program, “20011Annual Report.” http://www.colorado.gov/cdhs/dvp
• Colorado Crisis centers provided a total of 107,064 nights of shelter in a residential shelter and 74,270 nights of shelter in transitional housing in 2011.Source: Colorado Department of Human Services, Domestic Violence Program, “2011Annual Report,” see above.
• The more than 61,000 crisis phone calls answered by Colorado domestic violence service providers in 2011 represents a 58% increase over the past five years. Source: Colorado Department of Human Services, Domestic Violence Program,“2008 Annual Report,” see above.
• A total of 6,733 Coloradans were turned away from shelter in 2011 due to lack of space. This was an increase over last year of 1,365 individuals. In addition to numbers turned away from shelter due to a lack of available space, there were 509 unmet requests for transitional housing in 2011. Source: Colorado Department of Human Services, Domestic Violence Program, “2008 Annual Report,” see above.
• In 2011, there were more than 13,384 reports of domestic violence crimes filed with Colorado law enforcement agencies. This number includes 11,381 reports of assault, 905 incidents of kidnapping, 305 forcible sex offenses, and 23 homicides. Due to reporting mechanisms, comparison to past years reports is not possible. Source: Crime in Colorado 2011; http://crimeinco.cbi.state.co.us/cic2k11/supplemental_reports/domestic.html
• In Colorado in 2011, at least 38 people died in 28 fatal incidents related to domestic abuse, including suicides and collateral deaths not counted in the Crime in Colorado statistics. Source: Denver Metro Domestic Violence Fatality Review Committee / Denver Domestic Violence Coordinating Council “2011 Summary”

lorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence

2012 Incident Based Domestic Violence Report

Supplemental Re

The Colorado Domestic Violence report contains information on the number of domestic violence

incidents and victims reported to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation by Colorado Law Enforcement

Agencies who report Incident Based Crime Statistics.

The Domestic Violence statistics from each year cannot be compared to the previous year’s statistics.

Each year additional agencies have reported Domestic Violence data which was not available in prior years.

Domestic Violence Definition per Colorado Revised Statute 12-36-135(a) – An act of violence upon

a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence

also includes any other crime against a person or any municipal ordinance violation against a person

when used as a method of coercion, control, punishment, intimidation, or revenge directed against a

person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship.

 Total Number of Reported Domestic Violence Victims By Offense

Offenses	By Number of Reported Victims
Aggravated Assault	1,973
Forcible Sex Offenses	452
Homicide	29
Intimidation	923
Kidnapping	936
Robbery	75
Simple Assault	10,751
Total	15,131

Domestic Violence

Awareness Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the first Day of Unity observed in October,

1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. The intent was to connect battered

women’s advocates across the nation who were working to end violence against women and their

children. The Day of Unity soon became a special week when a range of activities were conducted

at the local, state, and national levels.
These activities were as varied and diverse as the program sponsors but had common themes:

mourning those who have died because of domestic violence, celebrating those who have survived,

and connecting those who work to end violence.
In October 1987, the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. That same year the

first national toll-free hotline was begun. In 1989 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Commemorative Legislation was passed by the U.S. Congress. Such legislation has passed every

year since with NCADV providing key leadership in this effort.
In October 1994 NCADV, in conjunction with Ms. Magazine, created the “Remember My Name”

project, a national registry to increase public awareness of domestic violence deaths. Since then,

NCADV has been collecting information on women who have been killed by an intimate partner and

produces a poster each October for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, listing the names of those

documented in that year.
The Day of Unity is celebrated the first Monday in October. NCADV hopes that events in communities

and regions across the fifty states will culminate in a powerful statement celebrating the strength

of battered women and their children.

 

September 2012

Keeping Your Kids Safe

October 2012

Rocky Mountain News (CO)ITEM UPDATE- from the Board- a request form the family is being honored to black out the names of the parties involved, but we believe this article remains helpful for victims of domestic violence. 8.13.2013

May 28, 2002

OLD RELIGION V. MODERN DIVORCE

RABBI AND EX-WIFE DUEL OVER 12 KIDS, MONEY, ABUSE CHARGES

CASE HEADS TO JEWISH COURT

Author: Sue Lindsay News Staff Writer Edition: Final Section: City Desk/Local

Page: 5A Estimated printed pages: 5  Article Text:

The legal saga of              , an Orthodox Jewish woman whose divorce has been bouncing between secular and rabbinical courts since 1996, is heading back to New York and the rabbinical court she believes is stacked against her.

Denver District Judge Sheila Rappaport in January threw out all previous orders in the divorce case – including those awarding custody of the couple’s 12 children to              and giving her the family home – and sent          and her husband,                   , to the New York rabbinical court, or beth din.

At issue is an agreement                  signed in 1996 that allowed the beth din to arbitrate her marital disputes. She later asked to be released from the agreement, saying her husband had coerced her into signing it by appealing to her Orthodox Jewish beliefs.

“What has happened to this case is very, very scary for the rights of women throughout the state,” said                                            attorney.

“I think this case is really crucial on a much grander scale than what happens to this mother and this case,”                    said. “The issues go to the heart of what justice means and to what extent justice is dependent on money and finances.”

The rabbi’s attorney,                           , said the court order shows the judge concluded that          

knew what she was doing when she signed the 1996 agreement binding the couple to the rabbinical court.

He said                           will have the chance to keep custody of her children and the home in the rabbinical court.

The attorney contends that the case has been handled unfairly because the rabbi, assisted by his wealthy New York relatives, has limitless funds, while                     has almost none.

“This case has a chilling effect on all unempowered spouses, including battered and unemployed spouses, from coming forward for help,”                    said. “It has a particularly chilling effect on Orthodox women and their willingness to go against religious tradition. It has been shown that the courts will not protect them.”

The                          declined to be interviewed.

Sympathetic members of Denver’s Jewish community have rallied to                      support.

Last month a group placed an advertisement in the Intermountain Jewish News asking for financial help for                                . The ad said that she cannot afford to appeal and stands to lose her home and children.

The                                case grabbed headlines five years ago, in the fall of 1996, when                           and her physician sought restraining orders against the rabbi. They both claimed he had threatened to kill them.

, now 51, told judges that her husband hit her, threatened to kill her, locked her out of the house and pulled wires from her car to disable it. She said after she underwent outpatient surgery, he poured water on her bed so she would be unable to rest.

The rabbi, in turn, blamed his marital problems on                                physician, who had supported her desire to use birth control and helped her go to a safehouse in California with some of their 12 children, then aged 2 to 23.

, 54, denied being abusive or violent, instead accusing his wife of being out of control and abusive toward him.

From the start, the New York beth din discounted                               claims of domestic violence, despite findings by three Denver judges that she had been abused.

The                         tried to reconcile but separated again in 1997.

Their relationship continued to deteriorate, and on Feb. 2, 1998,                                 obtained another temporary restraining order against her husband.

That led to an emergency session of the rabbinical court in New York, which                   refused to attend. The court gave the rabbi possession of the family home and custody of the children.

Denver District Judge William Meyer refused to adopt that order, and         continued to live in the home with their children.

Meanwhile, the                 divorce went before the Denver District Court. When it was granted in the summer of 1999, District Judge Robert McMullen concluded that                 suffered from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of years of physical, emotional and financial abuse.

The judge also said the rabbi had been evasive and untruthful about his income.

He ordered R                           to pay $3,500 a month in child support and maintenance, and 80 percent of his wife’s attorney’s fees.

Meanwhile, Wyman challenged the beth din orders in the case.

attorneys, however, pointed out that            had asked her Denver attorney to review the original beth din document, which she then signed over his objections.

But Wyman contended that                       felt intimidated into signing the agreement.

Her brother, R               , who served as her toyen, or advisor, at the beth din, told her that she was obligated to submit to the beth din as an orthodox Jew, court documents said.

The rabbi “deliberately used the beth din as a weapon” to force her back under his control, Wyman said.

“Failure to appear before a beth din can lead to a wife being ostracized from her entire community and being excommunicated from her religion,” Wyman said.

The Colorado Court of Appeals ruled two years ago that the beth din agreement was valid, but sent the matter back to the district court to determine whether the agreement was “conscionable” – whether                       was pressured to sign it.

After a trial, Judge Rappaport upheld the rabbinical court agreement and sent the         back to the beth din. She also vacated all child support and custody orders           had won in Denver courts.

“Her order undoes everything that was done in this case by two other district judges, two county judges and a magistrate,” Wyman said. “I cannot conceive that this could be the result of this case.”

Wyman said that                                will lose her home and her children because of that order because she is now subject to a beth din ruling that gave the rabbi custody of the children and home.

Rabbi                             attorney said the beth din orders were temporary.

They “have no force or effect now at all,” said Dan Smith.

Until the beth din has a hearing and makes a decision, he said, the existing custody and residency arrangements will continue along with the rabbi’s financial support.

No hearing date has been set.

Wyman said she hasn’t been paid since 1998 and she can’t afford to pursue an appeal in district court.

“After all of this,” Wyman said, “          has been sent back to the same beth din that entered the order taking away her home and children.”

INFOBOX

THE WIFE`S POSITION

has told judges that her husband hit her, threatened to kill her, locked her out of the house and pulled wires from her car to disable it. She has persued various temporary restraining orders against him.

THE RABBINAL COURT

Beth Din is a Jewish court of three rabbis convened to resolve disputes. Each party selects a rabbi for the beth din. Those two rabbis select a third member of the beth din. Each party also is permitted to have an adviser, called a toyen, who serves like a lawyer in civil courts.

WHAT`S NEXT

The beth din will hold a hearing and make a decision. Until then, the                       will maintain custody of her children and residency arrangements will continue along with the rabbi’s financial support. No hearing date has been set.

( June 2014 Cyber Bullying Prevention/May 2014-Suicide Prevention- Yellow Ribbon Project/April 2014Teen Dating Violence

November 2012

The Financial Cost Of School Violence

December 2012

Walking Kids Through Aftermath of Domestic Violence

January 2013

EVERY HOUR COUNTS- THE CASE FOR BUILDING OUT-OF-SCHOOL PROGRAMS

February 2013

why don’t you just leave